Let's talk dress code

Now, I completely understand that in the comfort of your own home, a person is free to dress whatever way they please.

I am a huge fan of 'No Pants, no problem' no pants in my house...unless there's company and even then, I probably wont be wearing pants.
That being said, I still put on pants when I order food for delivery and the driver is knocking on my door, when a package comes, or when I take my dog outside because above all things, I am a lady.

When you are not expecting somebody at your door, or even when you are, why would you strip down naked when the doorbell rings?
Seriously.

I cannot begin to describe the horror that I have witnessed over the last few years -- even though I haven't been delivering in a year...like I said before, I have more than enough stories to keep many generations entertained.

One of my favorite customers is a man that lives maybe 10-15 minutes away from The Restaurant on a road in the middle of nowhere.
He lives in a trailer, in a field. He has a very nice barn/garage that was erected somewhere between the birth of Jesus and the start of WWI. It is old and rickety. There is a light on the garage that only lights up about five feet of the property. The driveway is about 50 feet from the front door of the trailer. Between the driveway and the trailer, there is a jungle of grass. This man never mows the lawn so whenever I delivered there, the grass was always wet and I was always wearing flip flops and it was always dark. So, I did the only rational thing..I ran to this man's door. Odds are, I would fall at least once, if not twice. I'm nothing if not graceful. By the time I got to the door, I was wet, covered in grass and more than likely the remains of somebody who couldn't make the hike through the jungle and got killed by aborigines. The best part of the journey, is when the customer opens the door. There are no steps to the trailer so I have no idea how he gets in and out. And since his trailer is fancy and doesn't sit directly on the ground, the middle of the door is exactly at eye level.

I'm going to pause and allow this scene to sink in real quick...

So the customer opens the door in a Hugh Hefner style robe and it is cut nice and short, this robe is clearly the Bunny Special Edition robe. Now, the only man that should be wearing a Hugh Hefner style robe is man himself. This customer is a very large man, he definitely has a body of a God--if you're Buddhist. So, the short robe is made shorter by his stomach.

I'm pretty positive he was free ballin the day i delivered there. Or his underwear got lost between the couch and the door. Either way, there was a whole bunch of stuff going on in front of my face and I was not impressed.

He also had half a dozen chihuahuas running around and now that I think about it, those chihuahuas could have belonged to the half dozen Playboy Bunnies running around. He probably was Hugh Hefner just gross,fat, and poor.


Anyways, the lesson here is...

Please do not show up to the door in anything that you would not go out in public wearing. If you're male and you have a nice body, by all means go shirtless, if you're not sure if you have a good body, look in a mirror and compare that to whatever you Google image search try typing in "sexy men" or "abs." If you're female, please be clothed, you have no reason to be topless, this is not Hooters nor is it Lady's Night at the sticky bar around the corner from your parent's house where you lost your virginity during that really romantic White Snake song that one summer. Pants, shorts or skirts are always necessary. No exceptions. I don't care how sexy you are or how many tube socks you stuff into your boxers, I don't want to see your package.


Seriously, keep it in your pants.

--TheChosenOne

It's been a long time...

It has been over a year since I have been able to post any interesting blogs.
To the few close friends that I have shared this with, I am very sorry ManBearPig and I, TheChosenOne have been unable to update. Our lives have been crazy the last year.

First, ManBearPig and I are both college seniors and we are finally in our last semester after working our asses off all of last year.

Second, The Restaurant we work for has undergone some major changes the last year including a huge dining room and kitchen expansion.

Third, we have had some major staff changes over the last year like most restaurants do and we have been trying to adjust.

Fourth, I, TheChosenOne, do not deliver anymore. I do however have many stories to share from my time as a delivery driver.

But enough with the excuses, WE will be working on some new content within the next week or so.
We have more than enough stories to publish, we just have to figure out where to start.

--TheChosenOne